"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is a stupid saying.
Yesterday my husband swore into the United States Army. We stood there and watched him standd at attention, waiting for the CO to come in, watced him continue to stand there, unsmiling, as the CO addressed us, speaking highly about the four men that stood before him, saying that us being there was a testament to how much of an impact these men had. Chris had the most people there. Two of the guys had no one there. I wonder if they felt like crap.
At 3:45 this morning, I woke up. I stare at the clock and wonder why it isn't later, feeling strangely awake. Light is starting to seep through the blinds. A few minutes later the cats make some kind of horrific yowling sound and I yell at them, forgetting that its too damn early to be yelling but too scared at the moment to care. I get up to see what the hell was the problem, finding cat throw up in the sala and poop on the floor. Awesome. I clean it up and conclude that some kind of animal must have been out in the parking lot. Other cats outside the window are the only thing that evoke that kind of reaction from my usually docile cats. All of this happens before 4.
4:00 am is when Chris will get his wake up call. He'll be given a few minutes to wash up, get ready and then have to go down to eat. He has to be down in the caf to eat by a certain time or he'll get in trouble. After breakfast that will probably include coffee he won't like, he'll get on a shuttle and head to the airport with the other people heading to Jackson today. Plane leaves at 6AM. He probably set his clock early. He probably woke up at 3:45.
I lie in bed, and the cray thoughts run into my head, the ones where people break into your house in the middle of the night and kill you and I keep thinking maybe the cats will make that horrible sound again but I pass out eventually because I'm tired and I can. Sopi and I wake up, yellow sunlight gleaming. She nurses for a bit, trying to shake off the last bit of sleepiness before she sits up in bed. "Poppa?"
"Poppa's not here, baby."
"Go yes sir school." She pauses for a moment. "Take bus yes sir school?"
"Yeah." I don't tell her that he's taking a plane. I don't want her to be jealous. Jealous of waking up early and going to bootcamp. It would just seem stupid.
Probably in Chicago now, trying to grab lunch, maybe a mag and a free second. Joking with his "team leader." Looking for a bathroom. Reading. Sitting the way he does, thinking about good coffee, no beer for ten weeks, smiling, saying 'son of a fuck," thinking about us.
How much more fond can the heart grow?